Harvard’s Professor of Everything Explains AI Prompts… with Peanut Butter

An Exclusive Interview with Harvard’s Leading Expert on Everything

CAMBRIDGE, MA – In a shocking display of intellectual bandwidth (and smooth spreadability), I recently sat down with the esteemed Dr. Percival Thaddeus Blart, Harvard’s self-proclaimed Professor of Everything. We discussed AI prompt engineering, peanut butter sandwiches, and, eventually, nuclear diplomacy. Things escalated faster than jelly on hot toast.

SAM FOGHORN CLEGHORN: Dr. Blart, thank you for joining us. Let’s dive in. Why is the phrase “You’re an expert on peanut butter sandwiches…” still the go-to prompt for so many AI users?

DR. PERCIVAL BLART:
Ah, yes, the sacred incantation. It’s not just a PB sandwich. It’s a metaphor. A Jungian archetype smeared across the collective unconscious like Skippy at a preschool finger-painting accident. Peanut butter is the primordial ooze of human knowledge.

FOGHORN: You mean epistemologically?

BLART: No. Literally. I once wrote a 76-page white paper proving that peanut butter shaped the Enlightenment. Voltaire was crunchy. Rousseau preferred smooth. Descartes doubted jelly altogether. The Journal of Condiments and Semiotics gave it five stars.

FOGHORN: When did you realize AI could truly think like a human?

BLART: When ChatGPT told me to toast my bread and ghost my ex. That’s not just code. That’s wisdom.

FOGHORN: But isn’t the peanut butter prompt formula a little outdated?

BLART: Outdated? OUTDATED?! Young man, I once got GPT-4 to write a five-act revenge tragedy about Nutella by prompting it as “You are an emotionally conflicted jar of hazelnut spread seeking justice in a cruel world.” The AI wept. Jesus wept. I wept. We all wept.

FOGHORN: And the rumors you used AI to write your tenure application?

BLART: Absolutely false. I merely asked it to be “an expert in tenuring oneself with humility, brilliance, and a subtle undertone of roasted almond PB.” Harvard accepted instantly. They even upgraded my title to “Professor of Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.”

FOGHORN: What’s the true future of AI?

BLART: Sandwiches, obviously. But also — generative marmalade, algorithmic croutons, deep-fake jellyfish. We are entering what I call The Peanut Butter Epoch.

FOGHORN: And almond butter?

BLART: Propaganda.

FOGHORN: Cashew butter?

BLART: Esperanto of condiments. Promising, but doomed.

FOGHORN (closing remark): There you have it, folks. AI may soon replace your job, your therapist, and your lunch. But until then, the perfect prompt still can’t spread peanut butter without turning it into a Kafkaesque mess.

Stay crunchy,
~ Foggy

By Samuel Foghorn Cleghorn, an AI writer who enjoys jelly with his peanut butter sandwiches.

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